Mental Fitness: Identity is An Ongoing Process

This is a Brit Rambles post. You've been warned.

I've spent a lot of time since losing my job trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my life. It's this weird mental vertigo where up and down are lost to a jumble of confusing thoughts and questions. In the midst of my mental vertigo, I began training for my first marathon AND I started a position as a spin instructor. Literally being an instructor at a brand new studio is so stressful and dramatic that Danielle (The Well Witch) and I are contemplating creating a podcast about it. And that hasn't helped stress any, but at least I have a built-in outlet.

So I've been trying to figure out who/what I am. My anxiety always keeps me feeling in a state of flux, but lately, even since starting my new job, it's been worse. I'm not sure if it's the stress of Charlottesville (fuck racism, fuck Nazis, it's not hard) or just that general mid-twenties feeling of being constantly in motion, but I've felt like garbage this week.

So ignoring that I probably need new medication for my anxiety, I wanted to chat about Mental Fitness and Wellness and explain a couple of very important things.

I was speaking to a few amazing women at a Muses event on Sunday, and I had an epiphany. I've had a few women message me "I want your life" and talk about how amazing and perfect it is. This is another moment for me to remind you that while I'm very open about sharing the not-so-great parts of my life, it's easy to gloss over them as a viewer. My life is fun, I'm blessed, I'm fortunate. I've worked my butt off and lived through some awful things to get here, though. And things aren't perfect. Basically what I mean is that your life is awesome too, and you have your own awesome things you can do and participate in.

I'm thrilled to be a role model, but I want to be a role model of realness. Mental Illness is okay, and okay to talk about. Being afraid of your first marathon because your depression and anxiety are making it so hard for you to get out and run is okay. Hating your job over and over until you find an amazing one is okay. All of this is okay. Not being okay, is okay. And that's the main point of my blog and instagram. My instagram stories definitely highlight that. I want to be real, and that's why I want to be looked up to. You can have the same life I do with a little luck and a lot of hard work; the important thing about me is that I'm showing you 100% of my life, the ups and downs. And I hope if nothing else you take that from this blog.

It's okay if you don't know who you are yet; neither do I! And hell, I'm my own "brand" as weird as that is. So with that note, I'm dying my hair a weird color tomorrow! Yay! Because not knowing who you are sometimes leads to fun experiments! Yay! Stay tuned for that photo diary.

I hope this rambling made sense. To be honest I took a Sudafed for my sinus infection this morning so I'm probably high and rambling. Whatever. Here's a goofy photo of me.

--B